


I Don't Trust Myself Around You

by YouPromisedMePie



Category: Joick - Fandom, Jonas Brothers
Genre: Brothers, M/M, Other, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 11:02:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21337177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YouPromisedMePie/pseuds/YouPromisedMePie
Summary: Six years ago, the band broke up and so did Joe and Nick. Now the band is back together and old feelings begin to surface.
Relationships: Ashley Greene/Joe Jonas, Joe Jonas/Blanda, Joe Jonas/Kevin Jonas/Nick Jonas, Joe Jonas/Nick Jonas
Comments: 1
Kudos: 24





	I Don't Trust Myself Around You

**Author's Note:**

> I took a few liberties with the timeline ( I know Fastlife came out before the official breakup but I had to move it around to work with a particular plot point). 
> 
> Joe and Sophie aren't together, and Nick and Priyanka aren't either. I love them IRL as couples, but it doesn't work with the storyline <3
> 
> ALSO, I want to note that I jump around a bit with time, so any changes in past or present happenings is indicated with a dotted line
> 
> ENJOY

They were in the studio recording and had been on a roll all day, in a really good groove and rhythm with each other, Nick and Joe bouncing harmonies off each other and weaving their voices together like had always come so naturally to them.

They decided to switch gears and hop into another song and Joe felt a lump form in his throat. He had made up a story of what Trust was about, which he had started writing mostly himself, his brothers helping him perfect it and finish up some lyrics that weren’t working perfectly. They started singing and he kept his eyes either closed or looking straight ahead, basically anywhere but at Nick, but during the first verse he thought he could see a smile growing on his younger brother’s face in his reflection in the glass. When Nick sang that they were “thicker than thieves…” exactly what Kevin had said about them in the documentary, Joe definitely noticed Nick’s eyes flick over to him for a second and he swallowed thickly.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

They had ended this thing between them a long time ago, and for a reason. Well, actually, Nick had ended it, and Joe had been left heartbroken. He had basically lived on his couch for a week, sleeping there, sitting there and crying a lot, only getting up to use the bathroom and shuffle to the kitchen for a snack or a drink. He kept a bottle and a glass on the coffee table, soon there were a few empty bottles and takeout containers that were starting to smell. 

He and Nick had never gone a day without talking to each other, much less a week and Nick had called him a few times, but Joe couldn’t bring himself to answer, no matter how desperately he wanted to hear his brother’s voice. He knew Nick wasn’t going to change his mind, he wasn’t calling to take him back or to beg for forgiveness, so he let it ring and go to voicemail which Nick never left because he knew that Joe wouldn’t listen to them if he did.

It was Saturday, exactly a week after Nick had dropped his bomb, and Joe finally got off the couch. He was running on autopilot, still moving numbly through the world but he was up. He took a shower and got dressed, even put on shoes. He cleaned up a bit around his place, throwing away the empty liquor bottles and the smelly takeout containers. 

He found himself in his music room, a little soundproofed (sort of) room that just had a guitar, piano, and a small recording setup just in case he came up with something good and wanted to remember it. There had been nights that Nick had stayed over and they had spent hours bouncing ideas around for new songs, or times that they meant to be writing but Nick pushed Joe’s back against the wall and they just kissed for what felt like forever. He just looked around aimlessly, sitting down on the stool and staring off into the distance, trying not to think about those particular memories.

After a few minutes he heard soft singing and realized it was himself, he was coming up with something, no really it was just flowing out of him as he thought about everything that had happened. “It was Saturday when I got that call, far away from feeling tall…” he sang out softly. “Try to look away from what you did, heartache became my friend” the melody was haunting, and the words broke his heart. When songwriting was so embedded in your blood like it was his, his entire family’s really, sometimes things just came out of you even when you didn’t know they could. “You walked away from me baby, I would have never done the same.”

He kept going, trying out a few different lyrics before landing on one that worked, and then kept going. “You made me feel like our love was not real, you threw it all away” He got to starting the chorus and a flood of emotions hit him that he’d been trying to hold back all week. He wasn’t just sad, he was angry, frustrated. He hated how pitiful he felt because Nick was probably out there going on with his life and he was just sitting here wallowing, waiting for him to walk through the door and say he’d been wrong.

He finished the song and looked over to his recording equipment, seeing the red light on. He didn’t remember turning it on but he walked over and hit the stop button, then playback and there it was, his voice coming through the speakers, so much raw emotion and he had to admit that honestly the song was good.

His heart sunk again, the good feelings of what he’d just done washing away when his first thought was that he needed to call Nick. Nick had always been the first person he had called or run to when he thought up any part of a song, or a good lyric, or came up with a cool melody on his guitar. But he couldn’t call Nick...not this time, not right now.

Joe picked up his phone and sighed heavily before dialing Kevin’s number. He picked up on the third ring.

“ _ Joe _ ? Hey, I was starting to get really worried, you haven’t responded to any of my texts and I could tell you were really upset the last time we talked. So...how are you?” he asked the last part a bit softly, treading lightly with Joe’s feelings. He knew his middle brother was sensitive, especially when something so big in his life had just changed, they were all trying to cope, but Joe seemed to be taking things particularly hard, he and Nick had always had such a close bond.

“I wrote a song” he said blankly. “I mean, I’m not okay...and I don’t really want to talk about it but I needed to tell somebody. I wrote an entire song, I wasn’t even trying it just came out of me.” 

“That’s great Joe, that’s really awesome” Kevin said encouragingly. He hated how upset his brother sounded because he knew he couldn’t help him, couldn’t comfort him the way that Nick always did, he just had a way of getting Joe to relax and smile again that Kevin envied, because Joe lit up a room whenever he smiled. 

Joe smiled sadly to himself, letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding in. “Thanks, Kev.” Joe felt kind of bad that he didn’t ask Kevin how he was doing after the news, but he just couldn’t bring himself to because Kevin had Danielle, so even though the band was no more, he could go home to the person he loved. The person Joe loved was the same one who had just ripped a hole in their entire universe, broken up the band, and broken up with Joe in the process. 

They hung on the line for a few more seconds in an awkward silence before Joe hung up, letting out a heavy sigh. 

\----------------------------------------------------------

Nearly a year later, Joe had enough songs written to put out an album. A lot had happened in the last several months. He’d finished recording his first solo album which he still had mixed feelings about, he became an uncle, and he had a fairly serious girlfriend. When Joe had first met Blanda and they’d started dating, he wasn’t completely in it, still just trying to distract himself from thinking about Nick and he hadn’t expected to feel quite like he did about her. He was actually finally happy for the first time since  _ it _ happened and he had even started talking to Nick a bit recently. 

His album dropped and the die-hard fans loved it, but it didn’t do as well as he thought it would. He was proud of himself though because he had proven that he could do something without his brothers, without Nick. He wondered if Nick had listened to it, if he could find himself in the songs, if he knew that Sorry was for someone he had used to try to move on from Nick, if he felt anything when he heard See No More, the song that started all of this.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Nick bought Joe’s album the day it dropped, and listened to the whole thing. It was good, different from their sound as a band, but very Joe. He could pick out certain things in songs and imagine what they were probably about but See No More stopped him cold, his chest felt tight like he couldn’t breathe, and after the song was over he had to turn it off. He couldn’t sit still, getting up and pacing around his living room. He wiped his hands on his jeans, palms suddenly clammy. 

What was he supposed to do? Joe had seemed okay recently, had he been hiding all of this from Nick even now or were these old feelings? Nick knew that Joe took it hard a year ago, but he didn’t know he’d been in that dark of a place, and he thought his brother had moved on, it had helped Nick feel like he could relax because Joe seemed to be happy again. That’s why he had ended it in the first place, so that Joe could be himself, be happy in his own right rather than his happiness always being tied to Nick. Nick thought his brother deserved that, he thought he deserved the world but he could at least give him that...he could let him go so that he could be free. Maybe he’d been wrong.

The media were all saying that the song must be about Ashley, but Nick knew better, he knew that Joe hadn’t been that upset about things ending with Ashley. The public thought he must be crushed by her ending things because he ‘lost his virginity’ to her, but Nick knew better, knew that Joe had lost that long ago in the back of a tour bus on the interstate between Ohio and Pennsylvania, and again in a hotel room in Utah, that neither Joe nor himself had been ‘virgins’ for quite some time.

He picked up his phone, thumb hovering over Joe’s number, debating whether to call him. He held his breath and hit the call button.

Joe answered right before it went to voicemail. “Nick?” he said quietly, sounding a bit surprised. He still wasn’t used to Nick calling, it had only been about a month or so that they’d really been talking at all, and it wasn’t often and mostly over text about casual things.

Nick let out his breath. “Hey Joe, I uh...I’ve been listening to your album. It...It’s really good” he told him, feeling awkward, wondering if Joe would hear what he was feeling in his voice.

Joe’s heart sped up slightly and he had to take a second to steady himself. “Really? You liked it?” that meant a lot coming from Nick, honestly it meant everything and part of him hated how much Nick’s opinion still mattered to him more than anyone else’s. He hated that little flutter in his heart that he still got from Nick’s praise. He cleared his throat. “Uh, thanks, that’s cool that you bought it” he said, voice a bit deeper and more flat sounding, trying to sound like he was cool and keeping it natural.

Nick noticed Joe’s shift and frowned, he hated that it was this awkward, that there was this distance between him and the person he’d always been closest to, who he’d shared  _ everything  _ with.

They quickly wrapped up the call, neither of them knowing how to keep the conversation going much after the initial album talk fizzled. Nick sat in silence, turning his phone over and over in his hand absently, lost in thought. Was Joe still hurting? Had he taken everything worse than Nick originally gathered? He was starting to question everything. Joe’s feelings for Blanda were real, that much was obvious, but if he thought about it, they seemed stagnant like the relationship didn’t have direction, wasn’t moving toward anything more than what it was.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

Joe started trying to talk to Nick again after he and Blanda split. Things hadn’t been really sparking with her for a while and the relationship just sort of came to a natural end. He didn’t really feel like dating someone else after an almost two year relationship, so he just did his own thing, and he finally thought that maybe he could hang out with Nick without his entire being aching, maybe just a dull throb in his heart. 

He called Nick one Saturday morning, heart pounding in loudly in his ears. 

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Nick asked when he answered, but he sounded distracted. 

“Just uh, saying hey and seeing if you wanted to grab, like a drink or coffee or something” he asked noncommittally. 

“Damn, I actually have a bunch of meetings today, sorry J. But maybe some other time yeah?” he counter-offered. 

Joe sighed, trying not to sound too disappointed. “Yeah, sure just...text me when you’re free” and he hung up as Nick mumbled a hurried goodbye.

They never made a plan, never met for that drink. Nick was busy with his successful solo career, and Joe didn’t feel like calling again, it’d been hard enough the first time.

\--------------------------------------------------------

Joe had no idea that Nick was there, or that he was even in the same state. He was supposed to be in LA, but a last minute change of plans had put Nick in New York and he knew that Joe was spinning at a club that night, so he decided to show up, in secret.

He slipped in and kept to the shadows, a wallflower, trying to blend in and not wanting Joe to see him there. Nick was curious, he knew Joe would be a good DJ but he wanted to see it for himself, see his brother doing this thing that he had found for himself. Joe was really growing as a person, maturing, finding his own ventures, and Nick was proud of him. But he knew that Joe was doing what he was doing because he had to, Joe had to find something else to do with his life and his career because Nick had taken what he had away from him. 

Nick stayed for the rest of Joe’s set, then quietly slipped out the back again without Joe noticing him. 

\---------------------------------------------------------

Nick quietly kept up with Joe’s career over the next year or so, supporting him when he started DNCE, buying the album, he even went to a show and would have gotten away with it without Joe finding out if it hadn’t been for that one fan who tweeted something about it. She didn’t have a picture though so there was no proof, but it got around to Joe and he knew by Nick’s reaction to his questions that it was true, he had really been there. 

Nick had a career of his own, of course, two albums that had done well, touring with Demi and several big radio hits. He’s gained the most followers on Instagram in comparison with his brothers. But one night he’s playing a show and he’s hit with a realization. He looks beside him onstage and feels an emptiness when there’s no one else there....besides his band behind him of course, but that’s not the same. He’s missed looking over and sharing a smile with Kevin during their favorite part of a song, he’s missed the familiar weight of Joe’s arm draping across his shoulder and the electric hum it sent through his body, or the warmth of his breath as they share a mic for parts of a song. Harmonizing with a voice he knows almost as well as his own.

That’s what gets him thinking. Could they do it again? Could he even get them both to be in the same room with him? They would have to do a lot of reconnecting if they were ever going to work together again, even in the hypothetical. It had just been so long, and they had their own lives now. Hell, Kevin had two kids. 

Nick sat with this realization for a couple months, thinking things through. He wanted to have it all clear in his head when he talked to Joe and Kevin, and he needed a plan.

\----------------------------------------------------------

The text came in while Joe was getting home and he sat down on the couch reading it probably about ten times.

_ Hey guys, so I’ve been doing a lot of thinking and I really want us to reconnect as brothers, and maybe more. Can we get together soon? Just us 3 :) -Nick _

Joe chewed his lip, trying not to read into it or let his mind run wild with this. This was just Nick wanting them to mend their family, bringing the brothers back together, nothing more. He didn’t want Joe back, Joe had accepted that by now even if he wasn’t 100% okay with it, he was working on it. 

Joe’s phone pinged again. It was a reply from Kevin.

_ Sounds great! I miss you guys a lot, it’s just not the same anymore. You two figure out a time that works for you and let me know so I can work it out with Dani _

Well, Kevin was in, that meant that the ball was in Joe’s court now, and he knew there was no way he could say no, he couldn’t disappoint Kevin who had tried so hard to bring them back together as a family so many times over these past years. And he realized that this time he didn’t want to say no, he wanted to say yes. Even if he couldn’t have Nick in  _ that _ way again, he was desperate to have his brother, his best friend, back in his life. And he missed the way it was when all three of them hung out.

He typed out a reply and held his breath as he pressed send.

_ I’d like that. My schedule is open for the time being. Let’s do it soon _

He almost immediately got a reply, in a message with just him and Nick. 

Nick:  _ You sure you want to do this? You’re not just saying yes because of Kevin right? You won’t regret this? _

Joe:  _ Yeah, I want to. I’m tired of not talking. I’m ready, Nicky _

Nick smiled, bigger than he had in a long time, especially when Joe called him Nicky. Even if it was just over text, he could picture Joe saying it out loud. Of course, he pictured it as Joe 6 years ago, but it was still Joe and it made him all warm inside, made him feel things he hadn’t in a while, but he shook it off. He couldn’t think about that, Joe had finally seemed to move on.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

They had spent several months just reconnecting, getting to know each other closely again, hearing details they’d missed about each other’s lives, what they were into now in terms of music or clothes, food, or free time activities. Kevin told them all about Alena’s preschool career and Joe regaled them with tales about hanging out with Jack and the guys from DNCE and his other friends he’d made while they were apart.

They made the monumental decision to turn this into something bigger and actually bring the band back together. They knew it would be huge, they knew they would have to make it perfect but also do it their way, because that’s the only way it would work...if it happened simply because they were brothers and they got a long, they loved each other and making music together, and they wanted to do it again.

Joe and Nick’s relationship was better and stronger than it had been in years, and they were back to being best friends. Joe actually found that he could relax around Nick now, and it hurt less that he couldn’t have Nick in  _ that  _ way when he had him as a brother. It was when he didn’t have Nick at all that made it so painful, and that’s the fundamental thing Nick had gotten wrong all along. Joe knew he thought that it was all or nothing, if part of it ended it all would have to because it would hurt less...but he’d been so wrong.

They wrote again, falling back into the rhythm of songwriting like it had been a week, not six years. And soon they had an album they were recording, and a contract for a documentary on Amazon, and they were planning a tour. 

It all just sort of started happening, and things were falling into place, and it all just felt right.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

They reached the chorus of Trust and Joe finally risked a glance over at Nick. Their eyes met and they shared a look and Joe blushed, turning away again. Nothing had happened between them since the reunion, but there had been moments where they had sat too close, times that hands meant to be seeking innocent touches were placed a bit less innocently, hugs that lasted just a little too long for brothers...and many of the times these things happened Joe had to distance himself a bit from Nick, or excuse himself altogether. 

That’s how he had started writing Trust.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

There was one night that the three of them were out. They were in Spain and they had gone to a club. Each brother had had a few drinks and they were all out on the floor dancing when Nick had looked at Joe, his eyelids a bit heavy from the alcohol and his body a bit more loose. He was also a little less careful than he usually was around Joe now and he was really close to him, rolling those hips dangerously close to Joe and not really noticing the...situation going on with his older brother. 

Joe was quiet and distant the rest of the night, just trying to keep himself composed, and when they got back to the hotel he locked himself in his room, the words just flowing out of him and onto the page.

He couldn’t trust himself around Nick, not to let go and drop his guard. Yes he was comfortable around him but he had to keep that distinction between them that they were missing when they were younger, the line that hadn’t been there to keep them from being together in the first place. 

He had to draw that line because Nick had moved on, and he had moved on, and they couldn’t risk fucking up again. Joe couldn’t risk getting hurt again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Nick winked playfully at Joe as he sang the chorus and Joe’s cheeks turned fire red. Kevin noticed their odd exchange and just shook his head, figuring it was another Joe and Nick thing that he wouldn’t get or be privileged to.

Joe didn’t look back at Nick for the rest of the song and once they were done, he excused himself, slipping out of the booth and heading to the bathroom.

Once he was in and the door was shut, he exhaled shakily, sighing and looking down at the straining bulge in his jeans. How on Earth was he supposed to handle this and go back out to his brothers? It wasn’t like he could just jerk off to get rid of his Nick-induced hard on, and then go back out there like everything was normal.

The door swung open and Nick walked in, stopping short when he saw Joe just standing against the counter. “What are you doing in here? Is everything…” he paused, eyes landing on Joe’s crotch. “...oh”

Joe sighed again, squeezing his eyes shut. “Nick, please...just don’t…” he pleaded before Nick could say anything.

Nick wanted to step closer but didn’t, keeping his distance. “Joe…” he didn’t know what to say after that, his heartbeat had sped up. 

“Maybe this was a bad idea…” Joe blurted out, still unable to look at Nick, gripping the edge of the counter, knuckles turning white.

Now Nick took a few steps forward, closer to Joe. He swallowed thickly, shaking his head. “No, don’t say that Joe...this...this is great, we’re doing great. I uh, I shouldn’t have been screwing with you I’m sorry. I just, as I was singing the words this time I thought that maybe….” he stopped.

Joe finally opened his eyes, but the look he gave Nick was sharp, harsh. “It’s not about you” he snapped.

Nick went to take another step toward his brother. 

“Don’t come any closer, Nick” his voice was a warning, and his eyes were pleading. “Just, leave me alone...please.” 

Nick sighed but he took a step back, giving Joe a small nod. “Okay...sorry, I guess I thought wrong. I’ll uh...I’ll go tell Kevin you just need a minute”

Nick slipped out of the bathroom and Joe exhaled roughly as the door swung closed. Fuck, how was he supposed to do this? Everything had been going great, but something about the rush of recording, and thinking about how things had been the last time they did this together, it was all too much for Joe. He was feeling things that he had pushed away for so long, that he hadn’t let himself feel. This was the worst possible timing for him to be popping a Nick boner again, when  _ finally  _ everything was going so well.

He stood there for what felt like an eternity and finally willed his dick to go down. He splashed his face with cold water from the sink and dried off, he fixed his hair and straightened his shirt, taking one last look in the mirror and putting on a smile before heading back out.

“Hey guys, sorry, I just got a little overwhelmed but I’m good now. Let’s work on the pre-chorus for Rollercoaster again, Nick, something was a little off on the low notes” he flashed Nick a smile but was met with a momentary glare.

“My low notes were fine, Joseph” he argues. 

Kevin steps in, realizing something must have happened between the two of them while they were both out of the room but not wanting to get in the middle of it right now. Maybe it was just some lingering tensions.

“Look, you sounded great Nick, but let’s just run through it one more time okay? That way everyone is happy”

Nick threw on a patronizing smile, talking to Kevin but still looking at Joe. “Sure Kev, we’ll run through it again”

The rest of the session went smoothly, and really well. They had laid down tracks for four songs and Nick was feeling good about each of them. They had gathered their things and were heading out, Nick hung back near the door waiting for Joe to emerge rather than heading to his car. 

When Joe came out to the parking lot, Nick pushed off the wall he was leaning against, trailing after him. “Hey, Joe” he called

Joe shook his head and kept walking. “I can’t do this right now Nick”

Nick sped up to catch up with him and grabbed Joe’s wrist, making him turn around. “Joe...I just wanted to apologize. I know you have moved on with your life and I shouldn’t have been such a dick and teased you like that. I was caught up in the moment and…it was stupid” Nick felt a sinking feeling in his stomach as he spoke. Seeing Joe all worked up in the bathroom had given him a sliver of brief hope that maybe Joe was feeling the same way he was, but his reaction had told him different. And they hadn’t shared anymore questionable moments for the rest of the session. Nick realized that Joe truly had moved on.

“You  _ were  _ a dick, and it  _ was  _ stupid…” he said, not wanting to expose himself and the feelings he still had when Nick clearly was over it all. 

“But?” Nick encouraged, sensing there was more that Joe wasn’t telling him. He could feel it, see it in his eyes that could never lie to Nick, no matter what his mouth said. 

Joe shook his head, pulling his wrist out of Nick’s grasp. “There’s no but, Nick. There’s nothing here to talk about. The music sounds great, and I’m excited to record more next week. Right now I’m gonna go home and relax” 

Nick gave him a nod, he knew not to push Joe, that he wouldn’t open up right now. There was a barrier that Joe didn’t used to have before. In the past, Nick could have pushed Joe into talking about anything, and he would open up to him, Nick was the only one that it worked for. With everyone else, Joe would eventually throw up a wall if they pushed him too hard and they wouldn’t get him to ever talk about it after that. Joe did the same with Nick now, if he pushed him too far and he wasn’t ready to talk yet, he would put up the wall with him too, just like anyone else. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

That night Nick was lying in bed unable to get to sleep, a movie reel of his past with Joe playing in his brain each time he closed his eyes. He groaned in frustration as he felt himself getting hard just at the thought of Joe in a way he hadn't let himself think about Joe in a long time. 

He bit his lip, knowing he should ignore it, try to think about anything else but he was getting so turned on, he knew he wouldn't be able to just will it away. Nick palmed himself through his boxers biting his lip to stop the moan that threatened to escape him. He grew impossibly harder and before he had time to think about what he was doing, he slipped his hand under the elastic and curled his fist around his swollen cock, slowly stroking himself, letting out a few soft sounds. 

Nick let his mind wander, figuring that if it was just him here by himself it didn’t count, it wasn’t like he was expecting anything from Joe. He thought about how it used to feel to have the heat of Joe’s mouth around him, or the friction of when they would slide their cocks together to get off, stolen kisses that were heavy but quick when they were sneaking around backstage. Nick felt a pressure building in his abdomen and knew it wasn’t long until…

It was the fastest Nick had reached orgasm in years, maybe since the last time he and Joe had been together, and he was left panting and hot under his comforter. He grabbed a tissue off the nightstand and cleaned himself up, tossing it in the trash can. After that, Nick was spent, and he drifted pretty quickly off to sleep with thoughts of Joe’s lips.


End file.
